An Open Essay

I have not posted in almost two years. I know it has been long, too long. Over the last two years, so much has changed in my life and I have neglected my reading and writing. I often think of my blog, almost always with longing. This is not a typical post for me, but I need to get my thoughts out and I need to connect to what matters to me.

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer. I wanted people to pick up a book I wrote and not be able to put it down; I wanted to be the writer people recommended to their friends.

I have a degree in English Literature. I chose this major because I love reading, because it matters to me. When I was an undergraduate, I took a position in a bank to get me through school and I have stayed in banking for 10 years, although it was not what I went to school for and not something I ever envisioned for myself. I will never regret my choices because I believe it led me to where I am today. Although I like what I do, I don't love it. Instead of feeling satisfied and accomplished, I feel drained. I want to do something I love, something that makes me feel satisfied. I want to be happy.

Driving home tonight, I had a moment of self awareness. I asked myself two important questions, who am I and what are my fundamentals. What defines me.

I believe reading is fundamental. I belive reading enables you to succeed. It opens new worlds and new ideas. It allows you to see other points of view, to disect and form opinions. Reading and analyzing literature gives you the ability to think critically and opens your mind to alternative possibilities. In short, I believe reading gives you the power to succeed.

I watched my five year old son playing today and as I sat there I thought about how I would do anything for him, I want him to be anything and do anything. Right now the world is limitless for him. Every parent should feel that hope and openness for their child. But in our society, that is not the case. Every child deserves a chance, regardless of their skin color. Children are precious, they are gifts and they deserve everything, they deserve to know they matter.

Everything that is happening in our country right now have opened up discussions about education and the lack of education in our country. Education is so important. I never want to stop learning. I have often thought about going back to school for my Masters degree but I never have for many reasons. Lately, I have been considering going back to school for my teaching certification. I have never seen myself as a teacher, but I have a deep belief that reading is fundamental, reading gives you skills that will empower you to succeed and everyone should have that opportunity.

I have been picturing myself in a classroom, talking about literature, opening students minds to possibilites. Would I be good at it? I'm scared but I also think about how exciting and satisfying it would be to help a child understand their potential because I believe every one of us has potential and it is our job as parents and educators to help a child reach their potential and give them the tools to succeed.

Change is so scary, it's a natural emotion, but I don't want it to define me. I have been thinking of my favorite poem, "The Road Not Taken". In the last year, I changed my life in a major way, but I know in my soul it was absolutely the right path and I have never looked back. I don't want to look back one day and regret not doing something I love. I don't want to get stuck because it was the easy thing to do. I've never taken the easy route in my life and why should I stop now?

From "The Road Not Taken":

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference.